Do I think I have a "pretty face"...no. I don't think I'm particularly revolting, but I'm not enchanting either. Removing my weight from the issue (very hard to do), I think I am quite average. I'm happy with that.
I would like to be more of a creative person, and reflect my intelligence and wit through my blog title, alas, I am not that good. The title comes from, as an overweight girl, hearing it most of my life. In my weight loss group, I was leading a discussion on reasons we want to lose weight. As I said before, most of the people in my group aren't even close to my weight. So my reasons to lose, and their reasons vary quite a bit. I was going through my list out loud....just kind of scanning it...I saw the one that said, "I want to lose weight because I always hear, 'you have such a pretty face'. What came out of my mouth was just "because you have such a pretty face". I don't know why that affected me at that moment, it was very hard for me not to cry. Maybe it was just saying it out loud. Maybe it was because I was saying it to a group of people who may have said it to me before. I don't know. What I have realized is that during the course of my life, anytime I received any compliment regarding my looks...regardless of the way it was intended to be, I always heard..."....for a fat girl" in my head. Like..."oh, you have such nice hair...for a fat girl" or "Your eyes are so pretty...for a fat girl." Really, despite what anyone has ever said to me, I always tend to feel that they are complementing me in comparison to other people with weight issues. I think they really mean it, but I think they must put overweight people in their own category.
I don't want anyone to think that I have major self esteem issues. When I was a teenager, yes I did...but I think most do. I am happy with who I am, I don't think that I am that bad, but I still can't help but combining any compliment with my weight issues.
Ok.............CHALLENGING MYSELF....I don't know why this just came to my mind, but here it is---->>I am very private, very shy. I really don't want people I know to see this blog, because It's kind of like a personal diary....but if I can reach the 250lb mark, I mean, when I reach it, I will post a picture of myself. I am not going to do it before then. I'm sure my blog subscribers will still be Zero, but it is still out there in the open for anyone to find.
My weekly weigh ins are on Mondays, I will try to at least update on my weight each Monday night or Tuesday morning.
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