So, today is Friday. I like Fridays, but it is also the start of my 3 days without going to the gym. I normally fail more from Friday through Sunday. It's not like I don't have time to go to the gym those three days, but the gym is very close to my work...and very far from my house....and I am home most of those days. I tell myself I can do something at home, but I don't. I need to break out some of my old exercise dvds...or even videos. I am at the point that I really want a Wii, just for variety's sake.
Oh, and I'm going to confess right now. Yesterday's Christmas candy---->I ate 5 pieces. Yes, five. I was ashamed. I should haven taken two out of the bag and thrown the rest away. I was weak. I ended up throwing away the last one before I ate my fifth, otherwise...it would have been six that I ate.
Let me just write a goal right here and see if it helps me accomplish it. My goal is to do two intervals of some kind of exercise this weekend, at 30 minutes each. I know that isn't much, but I normally don't do anything. So it will be an improvement. Ok---must remember this challenge. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
To run or not to run....
First, let me post my accomplishments today:
I made it to the gym....yeah!
I did about 30 min on the treadmill....set on cardio so my heart rate stayed up quite nicely. Then braved some free weights. My goal is to do more free weights and less on the machines~but I'm, for some reason, scared of the weights. I'm just afraid of looking stupid when I'm trying to work with them...yes I know that is silly.
So I mainly worked on upper body, some on lower.
What have I ate so far today....
I had a small bowl of Kashi -the shredded wheat kind.
large coffee
large iced tea (unsweet)
banana
some hickory smoked tuna
a yogurt (weight watchers)
one of my favorites: wholly guacamole 100 cal pack with sugar snap peas.
Oh, I had some baby carrots.
.........and now, as we speak, a lady just stopped my my office, said 'Merry Christmas' and placed some type of Christmas candy on my desk.........errrrrrrrrrr
I just said 'wow, thanks!'---and now it is staring at me. What should I do?? Six pieces of candy....The thing is, I would feel ok eating like two of them, but I know me. If they are sitting here I will eat them. I don't want to throw away her hard work at making this candy. ok, taking two out, and hiding the others in my gym bag. Maybe I'll forget about them. Goodness, I have a sweet tooth now!
Ok, on to the running. I have never been athletic. I was a very good student in school, but I remember the only time I ever acted like I was sick to go home were on the days that we would have to do some big running event....like a half mile or something. And despite the fact that I was an A student, I got a D in tenth grade P.E. That is really hard to admit, but I didn't want to "dress out" to work out. I was stupid.
I have dreams sometimes about running. I am running through the woods feeling the air flow through my hair, and it is exhilarating. I wonder if that is what it feels like for people who say they love running. I have decided that I want to be one of those people. I want to love to run. So, today when I was on the treadmill at the gym, I ran...or jogged. Do you want to know for how long??? .5 miles...or wait, no that isn't right, its .05 miles. Is that pathetic...don't answer, I know it is. I am ashamed. Now, I think once a week, I will push myself to increase that by at least .05. I want to be able to run a mile. I think that would be so cool.
I do have obstacles. To begin with, I have this 300+ lbs that I am carrying, which does not like jarring motions. My whole body is in shock when I try to run. I have a sports bra, but it isn't perfect...I want duct tape, and I want it all over myself. My other obstacle is I do have arthritis. I've been diagnosed with it for a while, but I'm not medicated. I feel aches every now and then, but nothing major. I worry that running could hurt my bones more. ..........so I don't know what to do. Does anyone know how a non running fat girl should train herself to be a runner?
I made it to the gym....yeah!
I did about 30 min on the treadmill....set on cardio so my heart rate stayed up quite nicely. Then braved some free weights. My goal is to do more free weights and less on the machines~but I'm, for some reason, scared of the weights. I'm just afraid of looking stupid when I'm trying to work with them...yes I know that is silly.
So I mainly worked on upper body, some on lower.
What have I ate so far today....
I had a small bowl of Kashi -the shredded wheat kind.
large coffee
large iced tea (unsweet)
banana
some hickory smoked tuna
a yogurt (weight watchers)
one of my favorites: wholly guacamole 100 cal pack with sugar snap peas.
Oh, I had some baby carrots.
.........and now, as we speak, a lady just stopped my my office, said 'Merry Christmas' and placed some type of Christmas candy on my desk.........errrrrrrrrrr
I just said 'wow, thanks!'---and now it is staring at me. What should I do?? Six pieces of candy....The thing is, I would feel ok eating like two of them, but I know me. If they are sitting here I will eat them. I don't want to throw away her hard work at making this candy. ok, taking two out, and hiding the others in my gym bag. Maybe I'll forget about them. Goodness, I have a sweet tooth now!
Ok, on to the running. I have never been athletic. I was a very good student in school, but I remember the only time I ever acted like I was sick to go home were on the days that we would have to do some big running event....like a half mile or something. And despite the fact that I was an A student, I got a D in tenth grade P.E. That is really hard to admit, but I didn't want to "dress out" to work out. I was stupid.
I have dreams sometimes about running. I am running through the woods feeling the air flow through my hair, and it is exhilarating. I wonder if that is what it feels like for people who say they love running. I have decided that I want to be one of those people. I want to love to run. So, today when I was on the treadmill at the gym, I ran...or jogged. Do you want to know for how long??? .5 miles...or wait, no that isn't right, its .05 miles. Is that pathetic...don't answer, I know it is. I am ashamed. Now, I think once a week, I will push myself to increase that by at least .05. I want to be able to run a mile. I think that would be so cool.
I do have obstacles. To begin with, I have this 300+ lbs that I am carrying, which does not like jarring motions. My whole body is in shock when I try to run. I have a sports bra, but it isn't perfect...I want duct tape, and I want it all over myself. My other obstacle is I do have arthritis. I've been diagnosed with it for a while, but I'm not medicated. I feel aches every now and then, but nothing major. I worry that running could hurt my bones more. ..........so I don't know what to do. Does anyone know how a non running fat girl should train herself to be a runner?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Regarding the blog name & photo challenge
Do I think I have a "pretty face"...no. I don't think I'm particularly revolting, but I'm not enchanting either. Removing my weight from the issue (very hard to do), I think I am quite average. I'm happy with that.
I would like to be more of a creative person, and reflect my intelligence and wit through my blog title, alas, I am not that good. The title comes from, as an overweight girl, hearing it most of my life. In my weight loss group, I was leading a discussion on reasons we want to lose weight. As I said before, most of the people in my group aren't even close to my weight. So my reasons to lose, and their reasons vary quite a bit. I was going through my list out loud....just kind of scanning it...I saw the one that said, "I want to lose weight because I always hear, 'you have such a pretty face'. What came out of my mouth was just "because you have such a pretty face". I don't know why that affected me at that moment, it was very hard for me not to cry. Maybe it was just saying it out loud. Maybe it was because I was saying it to a group of people who may have said it to me before. I don't know. What I have realized is that during the course of my life, anytime I received any compliment regarding my looks...regardless of the way it was intended to be, I always heard..."....for a fat girl" in my head. Like..."oh, you have such nice hair...for a fat girl" or "Your eyes are so pretty...for a fat girl." Really, despite what anyone has ever said to me, I always tend to feel that they are complementing me in comparison to other people with weight issues. I think they really mean it, but I think they must put overweight people in their own category.
I don't want anyone to think that I have major self esteem issues. When I was a teenager, yes I did...but I think most do. I am happy with who I am, I don't think that I am that bad, but I still can't help but combining any compliment with my weight issues.
Ok.............CHALLENGING MYSELF....I don't know why this just came to my mind, but here it is---->>I am very private, very shy. I really don't want people I know to see this blog, because It's kind of like a personal diary....but if I can reach the 250lb mark, I mean, when I reach it, I will post a picture of myself. I am not going to do it before then. I'm sure my blog subscribers will still be Zero, but it is still out there in the open for anyone to find.
My weekly weigh ins are on Mondays, I will try to at least update on my weight each Monday night or Tuesday morning.
I would like to be more of a creative person, and reflect my intelligence and wit through my blog title, alas, I am not that good. The title comes from, as an overweight girl, hearing it most of my life. In my weight loss group, I was leading a discussion on reasons we want to lose weight. As I said before, most of the people in my group aren't even close to my weight. So my reasons to lose, and their reasons vary quite a bit. I was going through my list out loud....just kind of scanning it...I saw the one that said, "I want to lose weight because I always hear, 'you have such a pretty face'. What came out of my mouth was just "because you have such a pretty face". I don't know why that affected me at that moment, it was very hard for me not to cry. Maybe it was just saying it out loud. Maybe it was because I was saying it to a group of people who may have said it to me before. I don't know. What I have realized is that during the course of my life, anytime I received any compliment regarding my looks...regardless of the way it was intended to be, I always heard..."....for a fat girl" in my head. Like..."oh, you have such nice hair...for a fat girl" or "Your eyes are so pretty...for a fat girl." Really, despite what anyone has ever said to me, I always tend to feel that they are complementing me in comparison to other people with weight issues. I think they really mean it, but I think they must put overweight people in their own category.
I don't want anyone to think that I have major self esteem issues. When I was a teenager, yes I did...but I think most do. I am happy with who I am, I don't think that I am that bad, but I still can't help but combining any compliment with my weight issues.
Ok.............CHALLENGING MYSELF....I don't know why this just came to my mind, but here it is---->>I am very private, very shy. I really don't want people I know to see this blog, because It's kind of like a personal diary....but if I can reach the 250lb mark, I mean, when I reach it, I will post a picture of myself. I am not going to do it before then. I'm sure my blog subscribers will still be Zero, but it is still out there in the open for anyone to find.
My weekly weigh ins are on Mondays, I will try to at least update on my weight each Monday night or Tuesday morning.
Where to begin?
I have always though blogs were a bit useless. Why would someone feel it necessary to talk about themselves? What good would that do someone else (besides, of course, to keep in touch with distant relatives and friends) to know what is going on in my head? Then I really began to search out motivation and inspiration on weight loss. I started realizing that I have been reading blogs of other people struggling with the same thing I am~and it's helping me. I was being motivated by these people that I didn't know. I related to them, when I couldn't relate to anyone else around me on this level.
I've been working on weight loss for ....well, for my entire 33 years of life....but the first time I have had ANY success has been in the last two years. I am....ok, I'm saying it out loud for the whole world to hear....305lbs. WHEW.....there it is, in black and white! Crazy! My highest weight (that I know of....I avoided scales for years~big surprise) was 330lbs, that was in February of 2008. At that time I won an opportunity to participate in a local weight loss contest. I met with a personal trainer, they put me on the right path as far as food and exercise goes...and I was off. In three months I lost almost 50lbs. After the contest I was awarded 3 more months free at the gym (going to the gym is a topic in itself), which I gladly used. In the next 3 months I lost about another 10lbs, bringing my weight to 270lbs. Well, I continued in the gym for a while...slacked off a little from my diet. Then a little became a lot...then--with many different excuses--I stopped going to the gym. My main reason was that the weather was becoming so nice and there was a park with a track much closer. I told myself that for now, I would just go to the track every day........bahahaha! Well, as soon as the weather was a little rainy, or began to get cooler....that stopped, and by that time, I was too ashamed to go back into the gym with the trainers who helped me. My weight climbed back up to 310.
That is where I was a few months back. I began a weight loss group with some in my community , and those I go to church. I needed motivation, and mostly accountability. Well, it took three more months for me to really, really feel motivated. It actually took three weeks with weight gains and finally going over my beginning weight. I weighed 311.
---Ok, now I'm acting like "now I have my weight all under control". No. That was just three weeks ago. I've held my motivation for three weeks. 305...that's me.
I needed something else to inspire me. Through this blog, I hope to have successes and become an inspiration for others. I also want this for extra accountability. I mean, I have my weekly weight loss support group, but I need a place to write all the little struggles~~not just my pounds. No one in my group is as large as I am. Not really anyone even close. I have so many little things that affect me, that I wouldn't even want to tell them about. I want this to be a place for me to tell someone....or just a place for me to come back to, to remember where I was.
I'm not a great writer, but I want to write from my heart. I hope I can keep this up. When I have more time I'll talk about the name of my blog.
I've been working on weight loss for ....well, for my entire 33 years of life....but the first time I have had ANY success has been in the last two years. I am....ok, I'm saying it out loud for the whole world to hear....305lbs. WHEW.....there it is, in black and white! Crazy! My highest weight (that I know of....I avoided scales for years~big surprise) was 330lbs, that was in February of 2008. At that time I won an opportunity to participate in a local weight loss contest. I met with a personal trainer, they put me on the right path as far as food and exercise goes...and I was off. In three months I lost almost 50lbs. After the contest I was awarded 3 more months free at the gym (going to the gym is a topic in itself), which I gladly used. In the next 3 months I lost about another 10lbs, bringing my weight to 270lbs. Well, I continued in the gym for a while...slacked off a little from my diet. Then a little became a lot...then--with many different excuses--I stopped going to the gym. My main reason was that the weather was becoming so nice and there was a park with a track much closer. I told myself that for now, I would just go to the track every day........bahahaha! Well, as soon as the weather was a little rainy, or began to get cooler....that stopped, and by that time, I was too ashamed to go back into the gym with the trainers who helped me. My weight climbed back up to 310.
That is where I was a few months back. I began a weight loss group with some in my community , and those I go to church. I needed motivation, and mostly accountability. Well, it took three more months for me to really, really feel motivated. It actually took three weeks with weight gains and finally going over my beginning weight. I weighed 311.
---Ok, now I'm acting like "now I have my weight all under control". No. That was just three weeks ago. I've held my motivation for three weeks. 305...that's me.
I needed something else to inspire me. Through this blog, I hope to have successes and become an inspiration for others. I also want this for extra accountability. I mean, I have my weekly weight loss support group, but I need a place to write all the little struggles~~not just my pounds. No one in my group is as large as I am. Not really anyone even close. I have so many little things that affect me, that I wouldn't even want to tell them about. I want this to be a place for me to tell someone....or just a place for me to come back to, to remember where I was.
I'm not a great writer, but I want to write from my heart. I hope I can keep this up. When I have more time I'll talk about the name of my blog.
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